The sisal rope on my neck is my salvation from this life,

A life that has had me reeling in excruciating spasms,

A life that has had me cry out to a deaf God,

A deaf God who has refused to snuff out my dying ember,

Prayers and tears to a cruel & sadistic deity (who punishes me with this pain and cancer) are unanswered,

The tumours are multiplying in my lungs,

I am barely grasping onto this pathetic existence,

The air I breathe out is caustic, for instance,

My bones are plastic from the antineoplastics, ,

The metastasis has me coughing up stuff that's outright disgusting.

My hair is falling out,

My bones through my scaly skin are crying out,

The doctors told me these medicines would make me better,

But these motherfuckers lied. These poisons are making me bitter,

The food is tasteless, the money in the bank is useless,

The oncologists staged my cancer at 4. Now my life is meaningless,

The only purpose I got left is to tell you to eat right,

Take care of your family and have regular medical checks.

An early diagnosis will save you from a poor prognosis,

As my heart stops, I reflect on my life and ask if it was worth it from the very start,

My stare is blank as I see a loving God in the swirl of beautiful colours in my mind,

I know I am dead and eager to see what is on the other side of the rainbow ~ Kirimi ©2021

* Photo courtesy of Lynsey Addario *